What's in a Name?

Once upon a time....

Someone had a really screwed up, nonsensical idea. This idea gained far more attention than it deserved and permeated several generations.
The premise of the idea was that in becoming married, instead of a woman adding something (or someone) to herself, she had to become a little less herself and a little more her spouse.

Perhaps I'm being vague, so let me be more clear. Though this "sacrificial lamb" notion of marriage could be applied to many things, right now I'm talking about the expectation that a female should give up her family name as a result of marriage.

Of course, I realize that marriage is all about sacrifice. You have to learn to think more about someone else than you do about yourself. I'm not gonna lie, I think it is a difficult task for everyone, albeit an important one. But, if marriage is about sacrifice, shouldn't the sacrifice be equal? Shared? Should the woman really be expected to give up who she is while the man goes on his merry way?

I'm by no means a feminist, but the fact that women feel they have to drop their family names at marriage agitates me. Some women prefer it, and if they do, more power to them. I do, however, think it's horrible to pressure a woman into cutting the name that explains who she is, her heritage, out of her identity.

I'm so proud of my last name. My grandfather is a fantastic man who touched a lot of lives and hearts. He helped build a school and had it named after him. It's always been a sense of pride for me to hear of students who went to the school that has become part of my grandfather's legacy. My family name shows people that this is my bloodline, this is who I am. And having such a good family history is not something I want to hide.

Not only that, but to drop my name and use only Craig's family name seems somehow foreign to me. I love Craig's family dearly, and when Craig and I are married we will all be family. However, we don't share the same blood, history, or legacy. His family has a great history as well, but it is their history.

I've decided to hyphenate. Only for legal purposes. Otherwise I will just use my own family name. It's sort of a compromise as I believe it is important to Craig's family for me to have a piece of them, but it's extremely important to me to keep a piece of my own family.

"It's just a NAME!" Some may say. But aren't names are of infinite importance? Think about it, what's the very first question that you ask someone when you meet them? Before you find out anything else, in most cases, you find out their name. And hearing the family name is how connections are made.

It's a sad world that we live in if we are forcing females to cut out such a chunk of who they are and replace it with someone who they aren't. Despite the closeness that marriage brings to couples, the people within the couple are still individuals who have separate heritages.

What's in a name? I think a whole freaking lot!!!

And I'm not even married yet. Imagine the ranting I'll do later..... :)