Where will I be this time next year? What will I be doing? Stability is a buried treasure that I'm not sure I want to find. I kind of enjoy my up-in-the-air-ness. My nomadic personality likes to have options and craves adventure. I'm lucky enough to be partnered with someone who shares my sentiments.
Lately, more than ever in my life, I am enjoying the thrill of a good challenge. I think it happened since Daddy passed away. They say such raw tragedy can cause you to do and feel things that are quite out of character. One of my friends told me that after her mother passed away she did things that were just not her. She picked up smoking, for example. Pre-October, I was ambitious and had dreams, but lacked a drive so intense that I would push those dreams into fruition. Now when I come to an obstacle or something that initially appears daunting I just want to run into it head-first and tackle it to the ground. Maybe it's because a big part of my brain now constantly reminds me of how short life is. How uncertain and fleeting our physical time on Earth is. You just never know.
I'm making plans that I won't even call tentative. I'm making plans a, b, c, d, e, f, and g. And I'm determined that wherever I go, whatever I do, I will make it work. I'm not content to coast along in life anymore. I want to make my Dad proud. Though, I know he already is. He told me so - several times.
3 comments:
Death does that to you. When someone close to me died tragically I picked up some nasty habits... To protect myself. I also became a firm believer in fate. This thinking helped me get thru the tough times, but eventually became a crutch, stunted my growth and the power to make choices and believe that I was in control. Having a child pushed me into adulthood (although, I feel so much more like a child the older i become!). Anyhow, it's nice to read honest words... Thanks.
yeah, Laura, you've said it, life is way too short.
it often takes the death of someone near,
or a brush with death for us to realize just how short.
we don't get to choose the time of our ending. . . . do we?
the only choice we have is to decide what to do with whatever time is alloted us. (i'm paraphrasing Gandalf in the Return of the King; true nonetheless)
some people are driven, in mourning, to give up.
or they hang on to the anger and turn it inward.
why not? somethings gotta give.
others see hope in death.
someday all the misery falls away. not bad. but, why rush it?
and with this realization comes another:
better squeeze all we can from the short time we're given.
you've had the insight, hold on to it.
i'm heartened that you've turned this tragedy, and knowledge of your own mortality, into a positive, motivating force.
you go, Girl!
time's a wasting.
..
.ero
ok, so, I'm sorry to dampen this time of dreaming and stuff. . .
I've looked into MY crystal ball and I've seen that you WILL be living within visiting distance of your sister and TWO nephews :) I have foreseen it, and it WILL happen :p
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