In a Nutshell....

I know, I know. I've been neglecting my blog again. Really though, with end-of-the-school-year festivities and trying to get everything packed up - I just have not had the time. I don't really have the time now either, but I'm squeezing this in. Just don't tell Craig.

Based on the fact that I'm supposed to be packing/getting ready right now and we're supposed to start driving across the country in a couple hours, this post will be in point form and will cover in very little detail things that potentially would have had their own post if I had time.

- The Thailand thing: It's not happening. I e-mailed WE and let them know that while I was honoured to have been chosen, it would be better to pick one of the other candidates in my place. $250 is what I would have been given, which would really just have been deducted from the $1570 program fee. On top of that $1320, I would also have to pay a $200 application fee, VISA fees, and airfare cost. So in reality, while I'd love to volunteer in Thailand during August - I didn't really win much of anything.

-Coldplay: Just when I thought I couldn't love them any more... I went to their concert. It was filled with surprises and just blew every other concert I've ever been to out of the water. I honestly don't know if it's possible that I will ever see a show that will top this one. If you can, go see it! We paid an arm an a leg for our 22nd row floor seats (we were very close to Mr. Christopher) - but it was completely worth it!

-The talent show: The talent show I planned for the students was very long because I didn't have the heart in auditions to tell a bunch of primary children that they couldn't participate. I'll sacrifice my patience for their courage to get up there and perform. Despite a considerable amount of technical difficulties, it went okay I think.

-Goodbye to you: After saying goodbye to the students I've come to know and love and a bunch of goodbye suppers with my coworkers/friends, today I will leave Cold Lake. It's a nice place, but I'm okay with leaving the town. It's the people I'll miss! But I've grown accustomed to missing people.

-Michael Jackson: I may eventually write a separate post about this. I know many people are sensationalizing his death. After all - he died at only 50 years of age. So did my Dad. Michael Jackson was a human being just like my Dad, and obviously I feel that the world should be mourning my Dad's death just as much as MJs. Despite feeling a little bit of bitterness that people are so affected by THIS death, I do understand it. I feel sadness about it too. I'm not sure what I believe about all the allegations that were hurled at MJ because I have no way of knowing whether or not those things are true. I do, however, believe that he was a very misunderstood and lonely man. Imagine never having a childhood. Being forced to work at such a young age and never knowing what it's like to not be in the limelight. We see it all the time with celebrities - it affects people. I wish he had more people who would have reached out to him with his best interests at heart. I have a feeling MJs death might have been preventable. My Dad's was not. That is what makes both of these deaths so sad.

-RPLF Golf tournament: The Ray Palmer Legacy Foundation's first golf tournament was yesterday. I am so thankful to my Dad's friends for creating it, and also to everyone who went or donated to this worthy cause. Thank you for the love and support.

-Exciting things: I may have a couple exciting things coming up in the near future. I hope so because I always need at least one thing to look forward to each month. :)

-My bloggy sister: My sister Lesley has just started a blog about her life as a mom. I'm very happy about this. Check her out here: Lesley's Blog

Hopefully my next blog post will be from a different province!

Stay tuned.

Dear Daddy - June 2009 (Father's Day)

Dear Daddy,

Father's Day. A day I've been dreading since October. For me it's still too early to see this day as a celebration of what a great father you were; this year I just want to get through it. I'm avoiding Facebook, Twitter, and all other websites/TV shows that may serve as a constant reminder of what I missing today. Besides, not a day goes by when I don't think about how great of a father you were.

This weekend has been a weekend full of firsts. Yesterday was your anniversary. When I talked to mommy I told her to treat it just like any other day. I know it's the easy way out - but it's also the only way we can deal with it in this first year. Eventually we may be able to view days like that as happy occasions once again.

You guys would probably have left Nunavut by now, if things had gone according to plan. You'd probably be here with me. We'd probably be laughing together and enjoying our time after spending too much of it apart. It's incredible how differently things have turned out - how our expectations have been crumpled up like a piece of tissue paper and tossed in the wastebasket. I wonder if there's reason to ever make any plans at all.

Your golf tournament is coming up. I am still so honoured that your friends have put this together for you. It's definitely a true reflection of the impact you've had on so many people. I will not be at the tournament as we're leaving to drive across Canada next Sunday, but I will be thinking about you all day - as I always do. In some ways perhaps it's a good thing that I'm not around to make it, I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet. Baby steps, for me.

We now have two puppies! They're both extremely playful - you would love to pick at them!

I have only four more days with my students. I can't believe how fast this year has gone. And so much has happened. It's all a big blur.

When all this first happened, mommy gave me one of the watches you always wore to keep with me. That leather watch still smelled of you; aftershave, cologne, shampoo, whatever it was - distinctly you. Every time I smelled it I really felt like you were still with us. When I came back to Alberta I put it in a little silk bag, in an effort to preserve the scent. Since then I've been afraid to smell it because I always worry the smell will be gone.

The other day I pulled it out of the silken bag again. What a relief it was for me to find that the smell was still there. Part of me feels pressured now, as if I have to keep you alive - even though I know it's out of my control. And if one day I wake up and the smell is gone I'm going to feel as though I've failed and all the memories will begin to fade. Yet, those moments when I do experience that strong sensation of having you close more than makes up for any pressure I might feel around it.

I just got back from a Coldplay concert late Thursday night, and one of their songs always strikes me when I hear it. It starts out: "Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head..." How true. When I think about it, you really are alive in our heads and we think about you constantly.

So, happy Father's day, Daddy. I know someday it will be a happy day again. Thank-you for being a better father than I could have dreamed of. You are always in my heart - always.

Your baby girl,

Laura XOXO

Coming Clean - Ten Current Guilty Pleasures

1.) Brownies

--> I'm not a huge meal-then-dessert girl, but I cannot say no to a brownie even with the button of my jeans undone and the zipper pulled down. It's a disease. Chocolatitis. Brownemia.

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2.) The Hills

--> This is embarrassing. Truly embarrassing. I feel my IQ drops about fifty points each time I watch an episode - and I don't miss an episode. I'd try to figure out where that leaves my IQ score, but I can't do math anymore because I've watched too many episodes of "The Hills." While everyone else claims it's scripted, I cling to the belief that it is like, OMG, TOTALLY real!

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3.) The Bachelorette

--> Another shallow one. But it's pure dramatic goodness, and I can't help myself.

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4.) Hanson

--> Actually, I don't really feel too guilty about this one. It can't be denied. Hanson is awesome. Just try putting on "Mmmbop" and not singing along. I dare you.

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5.) Social Networking

--> I'm the kind of person who rarely gets bored and likes spending time alone. I can have fun by myself and I don't need to be around other people often. However, I happen to be obsessed with social networking, which shouldn't come as a surprise to those who know me. I've been doing a little better on this front lately in that I've layed off the F-book somewhat. But only because it's been replaced with Twitter.

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6.) Shopping

-->When it comes to shopping I am impulsive and compulsive. I am no Paris Hilton but like most I do enjoy things, though I realize things are empty and meaningless. I shop for therapy. I shop for celebration. I shop because it's thrilling. Yes, thrilling. ...Too strong a word?

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7.) www.perezhilton.com

--> I'm pretty sure he's not the nicest person ever, but I have been known to wander over to his website when the rest of the internet-world is in a lull. This is also slightly embarrassing because I've never been someone who really cares about celebrities (other than my teeny-bopper crushes on JTT, Leonardo and Josh) but he makes me care! His entertaining rants coupled with his general overall obnoxiousness is a bit analogous to watching a trainwreck - you know what you're about to see will be horrible, but you can't look away!

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8.) Poker Face

--> Lyrically the song is terrible. Absolutely terrible. Before I went to Vegas I couldn't even listen to it because the lyrics were so ridiculous. Then while IN Vegas the song was everywhere and so were poker tables/players. In Vegas, the song made more sense. In fact I consider it to be somewhat of a Vegas theme song. I still hate the lyrics, but now if it comes on the radio I'm prone to busting a few moves in the car much to Craig's chagrin. I can't lie, it's a catchy tune and it has grown on me.

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9.) The red carpet

--> I don't quite know why, but I think pre-awards show red carpets are quite entertaining. Perhaps because it's one of the few times we get to see a bunch of actors/actresses on TV minus the acting. Well, I suppose a bit of acting is required to keep those fake smiles posted on their faces for the paparazzi.

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10.) Wipeout

--> While there's a fine line between slapstick humour and plain stupidity, you have to admit: there is something wonderful about seeing somebody else wipe out. Just ask AFV, which has thrived off people hurting themselves for years. Now there is this new summertime show, appropriately dubbed "Wipeout." It's really just the English version of the Japanese MXC. Despite the filled-with-extra-cheese commentary, it is thoroughly entertaining and has even been known to produce a few belly laughs in this household.

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I Kind of Won, But.....

Remember that Thailand thing?

Well... I found out today that I am the winner of a partial scholarship to participate in a four week volunteer trip to Thailand.

Great news, but I'm in a bit of a bind over it. The scholarship is worth $250, which probably wouldn't even cover the cost of the airplane from Newfoundland to Halifax. Let's keep in mind that Thailand is on the other side of the world.

The full scholarship winner gets reimbursed for airfare and everything is basically taken care of for him to go and pursue this opportunity. Which is awesome.

I have to let them know by Friday if I am accepting. FRIDAY! That leaves very little time to get my mind around all this. I love the idea of spending August in Thailand to volunteer, and $250 would cover a few meals and accommodations, but financially the airfare to fly from one side of the world to the other might be a little out of my price range at present.

What to do, what to do!

Oi vey!

EDIT

EDIT: Whitney = Winnie.

We've changed the puppy's name because Whitney does not roll off the tongue easy enough. And the general consensus is in that Winston & Winnie has more of a ring to it than Winston & Whitney does.

Poor little Maya turned Whitney turned Winnie is going to get a complex.

Meet Whitney

Here she is: little Whitney! A brand new sister for Winston. :)

While out for a run one day, Craig and I discussed how it would be nice for Winston to have a companion while we're gone to work all day. Craig said it in passing, I said it and meant it.

I logged onto Kijiji and responded to every Yorkie ad in my area. Luckily - there was a breeder right in my town. I would not even attempt to find one in a pet store because the puppies there are often coming from puppy mills with terrible conditions. I refuse to support that and so should you! Just FYI.

After much imploring, Craig finally caved. He says it's because I'm relentless and he knows I would never stop begging. I like to think that deep down he wanted another puppy just as much as I did.

So a few hours later, we brought home this little girl. She's very friendly - but still understandably nervous. 

Winston just had his sutures removed (he got fixed last week) so we're hoping the incest will be kept to a minimum.

Dogs add so much joy to my life! They truly are loyal friends.

Oh, and in just a few weeks we're going to make a trip across Canada with Winston & Whitney. Stay tuned - that's bound to be an adventure.

Bill 44

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Do you think that parents should be able to pull their kids from classes in an effort to avoid topics such as religion, sexuality and/or sexual orientation?

Bill 44 was passed today in Alberta, which makes this possible.

I am not a parent (unless you count Winston - I kinda do) but I believe that I understand the desire of parents to instill in their children values which they perceive to be important.

However, I have to be honest here. I disagree with this bill.

Part of me disagrees with it because I have never seen anything good come from segregation. Most of my schooling took place in a denominational school system. Students in my school rarely associated with those from the "secular school" and the students from the "secular school" didn't exactly want anything to do with us either.

When the two school systems amalgamated, there was a rift the size of Europe between the two groups of students and it took awhile before that rift got smaller. Let's face it. The denominational school system didn't exist because being separated was biblical. It existed because the powers-that-be thought "Christians" needed to be shielded from things like sex, drugs and rock-and-roll. (Oh, and let's not forget alcohol).

Which brings me to my next, perhaps even more important point. Is it okay to shield kids from the world? Kids who are trying to discover who they are and what they want to be?

As a teacher, I am responsible to get through curriculum. However, here's how I try to make the curriculum come alive. By applying it to the real world. Through discussion. Dialogue. History teachers teach about WWII and Hitler but that does not in any way suggest that they condone what Hitler did. Teachers provide the information and it's up to students what they do with that information and how they choose to see it.

Proponents of the bill argue that this is a human rights issue. I argue the same thing, albeit in a different way. I would argue that each individual has the right to know what is out there, be it about religion or sexuality. It should be a human right. Teachers are not responsible to tell people what to believe, we are responsible for presenting the facts in the best way we possibly can. Children do not get a choice as to what family they are born into but they should have a say in forming their own belief system. For parents to pull students out of a class where facts relevant to the curriculum are being presented in a professional manner is not only wrong, but cowardly. You cannot protect them from the world that they are a part of - it's like trying to separate your head from your body. You can raise them in a loving home, shower them with affection and educate them morally - but to deny them of the privilege of learning about the world they are an integral part of is sad.

"But we don't want them to be of the world. They need to be in the world, but not of it."

We are all in the world, and we are all of the world. Like it or not. And you know what? If this is a Christianity thing (and I know it isn't just a Christianity thing - people of many religions and even atheists are for it) I would argue black and blue that being in the world and of it is biblical. Segregation, blind faith and ignorance are concepts which are the polar opposite of who Jesus is and what he stands for.

Individuals who go through the school system in Alberta and take considerable advantage of this bill may grow up to become ill-informed, sheltered, shallow individuals. Congratulations, Alberta. And then those individuals will go on to indoctrinate their children with more beliefs that will never be legitimate because they haven't come about conclusively. Instead, those people will choose to live in ignorance about what's out there and go along on their merry way.

Let me reiterate: I am not disagreeing with parents teaching their children about morality, or even necessarily steering them in one direction or another. As long as children are not expected to give up their personhood or simply inherit the beliefs of their parents. As long as the ultimate decision lies with the individual who has to live with it.

I am lucky. I will never have to resent my family. They taught me morals and they took me to church - but they also had long dinner-time conversations with me. We'd sit for hours on end asking questions and listening to one another in opinion-forming episodes. My family never forced anything on me, rather, taught me it was okay to question and to seek out answers. They did not place a shield of protection in front of me but showed me how to stick to what I believe without cutting myself off from parts of society. And if my beliefs evolved as I matured - I was taught that was okay too. Maybe even natural. In my situation, maybe even necessary. I will be forever grateful to them for allowing my mind the freedom to think instead of attempting to build a cognitive prison for me.

So yes, Alberta. I am decidedly unimpressed. Education is a right; beliefs are personal. Let's keep it that way.