For Daddy - September 2009

Dear Daddy,

You know what's weird? Seeing people for the first time since you left us. I cannot help but feel like those people are from another lifetime; that perhaps they must have also disappeared when you did. Not to mention that it's slightly awkward. Mostly for them. It's been nearly a year now so people are evidently on the fence about whether or not they should broach the topic or let the time that has passed act as a buffer zone, a segue into present life. I constantly hope that they opt for the latter. Other than this letter to you I post on my blog once a month, the loss is not something I want to sit and discuss with any Tom, Dick or Harry.

The prof for one of my grad courses is the same prof I had for one of my undergrad courses. Half the time I was sitting through his first (three hour) lecture, I was thinking about how the last time I listened to him lecture, you were still with us. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I find myself envious of my previous life. I had it all, back then. I really had it all.

My latest move was difficult without you. More than anybody else in this world I depended on you, and it was certainly easy to miss your organizational skills and your presence in general. I looked through some of the boxes you packed up for me while I was in Korea and you guys were in the process of a move yourself. The handwritten labels and organization of my stuff (which you would probably refer to as junk) made me smile. I think now that memories can sometimes make me smile instead of cry I know that I must be progressing in some way.

Life is lonelier than usual. For all of us, but especially mommy, of course. That will never change. When we are together we talk about you regularly. When we are apart we think of you regularly.

I hope you would be proud of me because I'm pursuing my master's. I hate that I never got the chance to tell you when I was accepted. I hate that you can't visit me on weekends and that you guys can't force me to go to Swiss Chalet right before we head to a movie. We all have a new reality, and life is forever changed. It's the crappiest thing ever, but I hope it will make you happy to know that we are doing our best to push through the crappiness. It's a long hard road, a never-ending road. But we're walking it.

You must know by now how much you were loved, but I'm pretty sure you always knew that anyway. Clearly you had at least three people who thought you were a superhero - though I'm sure there were probably more.

Love you and miss you with every ounce of my being,

Laura XOXO

Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely

Photo Courtesy

It's not my place to judge, but to be honest, these past couple days I've felt like punching John Edwards in the face.

The world discovered several months ago that he had an affair with a woman named Rielle Hunter. Another politician, another affair scandal. It's not really anything new. The thing that makes this story extra sad is the fact that John's wife, Elizabeth Edwards, has been battling terminal cancer for awhile now (though she was supposedly in remission when he had the affair.... 'cause that's better). Not only that, but the couple had to deal with the immense grief of losing a son several years back. That's the kind of pain that never goes away.

So it's natural to feel for the poor woman. She lost a child, was diagnosed with cancer, went into remission, her husband had an affair and now her cancer is terminal.

Elizabeth Edwards did an interview with Oprah a few months ago, and it was hard not to be touched by her resilience (which happens to be the name of her very appropriately titled book) as well as her propensity to forgive.

At that point I remember thinking that it was a pretty incredible thing that Elizabeth was willing to forgive John. I also remember thinking that John probably regretted making such a huge mistake. Somehow, the whole thing seemed to be even more of a betrayal than it normally would because Elizabeth is a cancer patient. Yet, I told myself not to judge because, a.) we all mess up in one way or another on a regular basis, and b.) nobody except John, possibly Elizabeth and possibly his mistress knows the whole situation.

The thing I found the hardest to get past was the arrogance that must have been at play when he decided to run for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES while all this was going on. Okay, John. Seriously? Elliot Spitzer ring a bell? You can't fool everyone. Becoming a Presidential candidate means that people are going to find out what you had for lunch on April 19, 1974. But John Edwards was egocentric enough to believe that he did not have to suffer any of the consequences for his actions. He ran for President anyway. He later withdrew, but was in the running for a good while - until he realized that he didn't really stand a chance against either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.

On top of all that, Elizabeth Edwards now has to deal with all the rumours swirling around about Rielle Hunter's baby, and how many people believe, with good reason, that John Edwards is actually the father (which Edwards himself denies).

Okay, now let's get to the part where I want to punch him in the face.

Exhibit A:

Recent information has come to light that John Edwards allegedly asked a guy named Andrew Young to claim that Hunter's baby was actually his.

Exhibit B:

Recent information has come to light that John Edwards allegedly told Rielle Hunter that he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony with the Dave Matthew's Band playing live when his wife died.

I emphasize the word allegedly because it's difficult to know what is or isn't true until John Edward's himself comes out and admits it. However, if this is something you're interested in learning more about, see this recent New York Times article. If all the claims are true (and despite it being none of my business) then yes, my brain tells me that I should punch him in the face.

Isn't it amazing how a little bit of power can go to someone's head? People get a taste of it and all of a sudden they think they're invincible and don't have to play by humanity's unwritten rulebook. We see it all the time with politicians. John Edwards was generally regarded as this sweet, Southern, Christian man - and just like that - he tarnished his image and is now known for being a dishonest, superficial villain who attempted to cover up his wrongdoings in an effort to further his political career.

And I haven't even mentioned the allegations that he used money from campaign donations to keep Rielle Hunter quiet. Or that the whole affair started with four little words muttered by Hunter to Edwards: "You are so hot." That's all it takes, hey John? Just that little bit of affirmation?

How sad.

Jealous?

Photo Courtesy

Remember those Scholastic book orders we got so excited about as kids in primary/elementary school?

Well, there was a time when I wanted to be famous so bad that I ordered a book entitled: "How to Be a Superstar," or something of that nature. I was probably in grade five or six. For some reason, I wanted fame so bad that I could taste it. It was obviously a phase - it isn't like I spent my whole childhood wishing I could be in the limelight. The phase only stuck for a year or two. And the weirdest part is that I've never really enjoyed the limelight. I don't know what I was thinking. Even now, at 25, I have to give a hour and a half long seminar for one of my grad courses and I'm dreading it like the plague.

Of course, if I were to be famous I would first choose to be a famous author - which, unless you're someone like J.K. Rowling still allows you that little bit of obscurity. If I had to choose second I would be a great musician, perhaps a rockstar. Because, well, who doesn't dream about being a rockstar?

Fame definitely has its benefits. And by benefits I mean Chanel. Dior. Valentino. Tiffany's. An awesome house with massive, beautiful gardens and a luxurious swimming pool.

But I really think it's a major trade-off. Celebrities give up a lot for that posh lifestyle. So much so, that I find it difficult to truly envy them.

Nor do I feel terribly bad for their plight, but I digress.

Imagine yourself as a celebrity who happens to be craving something from, oh say, McDonalds. A.) You can't eat it and risk going up an extra pound on the scale B.) You can't eat it because if the paparazzi catches you, headlines around the world the following day will claim that you are eating away your sorrow because your boyfriend cheated on you with your great-grandmother C.) You can't actually go to McDonalds because that will mean having to primp, preen, and pull together a picture-worthy outfit since it's a given that there will be people waiting to capture you at your worst, and D.) You can't go there because before you even make it to the lineup you'll have hordes of fans tackling you for an autograph.

Can you imagine? All you want is some McDonalds fries and you cannot freely make that decision. I suppose if you're really famous you could get a butler to go pick it up for you - but what if you just really wanted to go spend some quality time at Mickey D's, for one reason or another? You can't, sorry.

Jealous of celebrities? They should be jealous of us!

They lack a certain freedom that we get to enjoy every day.

Not to mention that if I ever heard that someone said something bad about me, it would consume me. I think a lot of people are like that. I would never be able to dismiss the tabloids as garbage, despite the fact that they actually are, for the most part, garbage. I would be continually hurt. I'm too sensitive to be famous.

I was thinking about all this after watching the VMAs the other night and seeing the celebs on Twitter tweet about the afterparty. I thought to myself, I wish I was invited to the awards and the afterparty! But then I quickly realized that I would probably be in the bathroom for three quarters of the night checking to see if I had anything in my teeth. Because one amiss piece of spinach in the teeth can ruin a celeb's career.

Perhaps, I am also too human to be famous. So maybe when a celeb has a bit of cellulite or looks terrible with no makeup, we should cut them a break. Maybe they're just being human, too.

Miss Me?

Well hello little Bloggians reading blogs out in Blogville.

Trust me, I am aware that I've done a terrible job of keeping up with this site throughout the Summer. My best excuse is that I've been out of the country, but that was only for three weeks. I have, however, moved to a new province, lived out of a suitcase for several months, turned 25, started University... (again)....

Just to recap, because I should have done it a long time ago, Europe was amazing. Lots of people have asked me what my favourite place was and typically I'm all over the "which do you like better, would you rather" questions. But I honestly cannot choose one place. Every country, every city has its own unique flavour and appeal.

Crap, though. Europe is expensive! I have learned to despise the euro and especially the pound. I felt guilty every time I wanted to eat. Gouging at its best. Being in Europe made me really appreciate Asia. Upon returning to North America from Asia I could not help but comment on how expensive everything here is. Upon returning to North America from Europe I could not help but comment on how cheap everything here is. I remember staying at a couple luxurious hotels in Thailand that were dirt cheap. I also recall the little rabbit hole we had to stay in (for about $110) in London because it's Europe's most expensive city.

Other than the prices, and rude people (particularly at the Louvre) it was awesome. (But Asia still kicks Europe's butt).

So here's what we covered: London --> Paris --> Luzern, Switzerland (and some other train stations in Switzerland) --> Salzburg, Austria --> Venice, Italy --> Pisa, Italy --> Rome, Italy --> Athens, Greece --> Santorini, Greece

Sunset at Fira

Highlights: We did lots of stuff in each of these places but here were a few of my faves:

Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, Notre Dame Cathedral, Eiffel Tower, Swiss Chocolatier,

Castle Bridge, Swiss mountains, Austrian mountains, Castle in Salzburg,

Murano glass-making demonstration, getting lost in Venice, silly pictures at the Leaning

Tower of Pisa, Rome by night bus tour, The Vatican (St. Peter's Basilica), relaxation at our

resort pool in Greece, trips to Fira and Perissa, eating by the ocean, renting a quad to travel around Santorini, browsing through all the little shops.

Okay, now that the Europe stuff that has been looming over my head is out of the way.....

I've officially begun my graduate program. Already I can tell that this program is going to be a lot heavier than my last one. Which, of course, is to be expected. Graduate programs are supposed to be kicked up a notch. I just hope it isn't kicked up too many notches. In any case I am now a full-time student who is hoping to get some substituting on the side. It's a weird feeling being back at school. At only 25 I feel quite old next to the fresh-out-of-high-schoolers with their nice little backpacks and pencil cases. It's like youth camp all over again, in a way. Instead of walking around the complex they head to the UC to check out the hot college potentials. Thankfully, I'm doing a couple distance courses and the ones I'm not doing distance are at night. I will have to do some research at the library... but that's another story...

I am sure nobody cares to read about the current status of my life (unless of course you are reading this right now - which means you're probably completely interested), but it's just been so long since I've written that I felt like I needed to provide a bit of an update. I do have a few topics of interest (and by that I mean topics of interest to me) that I plan to write about in the near future. Now that I'm back into some sort of routine I should be updating more regularly. When I am a free spirit, as I was for most of the Summer, it becomes difficult for me to find time. It's backwards, really, as I should have less time for things like this now that I have papers and presentations and videos to work on. But that's how I roll.

Until next time!

Dear Daddy - 09/09/09

Happy birthday Daddy,

I've been thinking of you all day today. You would be 51 now. We miss you so much today and everyday.

I hope that you are having a huge birthday bash in Heaven and that your day has consisted of nothing more than happiness and laughter.

Love,

Laura XOXO