I Love Halloween

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New header today, in honour of one of my favourite days of the year!

Happy Halloween all you ghouls and goblins!

I sincerely wish that I could go trick-or-treating, but somehow I don't think people would be too enthused about having a 25 year old show up on their doorstep begging for free candy.

I do, however, have a costume. I've had it for a couple months now (the good costumes go like hot-cakes around here). Because I live in a basement apartment of a huge house and have a back entrance I don't really foresee us getting a lot of knocks on the door though. Which is slightly disappointing! Someday I'm going to have a house that is all decked out for Halloween. Actually, I've always wanted to make a haunted house. Mostly because I just love scaring the crap out of people. It's my favourite.

The last Halloween I REALLY got to celebrate was at my school in Korea. That was incredible. Halloween isn't really a part of their culture and so imagine how exciting it was for these kids who had never gone trick-or-treating before to get dressed up and indulge in that novelty. They LOVED it.

This year, I don't have any real Halloweeny plans, unfortunately! I think if we knew more people around here we would have hosted a Halloween costume party. I'm sure Winnie and Winston would have loved that! (Please take note of the extreme sarcasm. They would lose their minds).

Speaking of Winnie & Winston, their Aunt Lesley and Uncle Brad (haha) purchased their first Halloween costumes for them this year! I won't give away the surprise because I'm hoping to post some family Halloween pictures later. Let's just say, I kind of feel like Halloween is not going to be their #1 holiday of choice. :)

I hope you all have a super spooky day - to the point where you pee in your pants a little bit.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

To Be (Vaccinated) or not to Be (Vaccinated), THAT is the Question

I have seen at least 20 people ask this question on Facebook in the past few days alone, so I thought perhaps, with it being the current topic of choice, I should at least voice my opinion on the issue. (Because what's the world without a barrage of opinions?)

Will I be getting vaccinated? As of right now, my answer is no. My mother just sent me several e-mails asking me to reconsider. But ultimately, this is a decision each person has to make for himself/herself, because the individual making the decision is the one who has to live with it. Here is why I'm leaning towards no:

-->H1N1 is a flu. Having the flu is junky. Honestly, who out there wants it? But it's important to keep in mind that while the idea of H1N1 is fairly novel, the fact remains that it is still just a flu. Have people died from it? Yes, they have. People die from the regular seasonal flu each and every year as well.

--> The vaccination for H1N1 was whipped up in the midst of a mass hysteria over H1N1, perpetuated through the media in nearly all corners of the world. Not as much time, thought, consideration, and especially testing has gone into this thing as as I would like. The world panicked and health care responded with this vaccination. I prefer not to be the guinea pig. When injecting foreign substances in my body I want to know that there have been longitudinal studies done showing that people won't experience any long-term effects down the road.

--> Not to mention that the idea of being injected with a man-made substance for every little thing just doesn't sit right with me. If I get the flu, I get the flu. I will let the sickness run its course and hope my body does what it was built to do. I'm not a complete "naturalist." Medicine (including many vaccines) works. However, I'm of the mindset that it should only be taken when absolutely necessary.

--> This vaccine has quite a bit of mercury in it. For all you parents out there, thimerosal (the mercury-based preservative that has been phased out of childhood immunizations since 2001 when concerns came up about a possible link to autism) is a part of the H1N1 vaccine. Though, apparently some single-dose syringes will be thimerosal free. If you do decide to vaccinate your children, be sure to ask about that. Of course, nobody knows for sure what really causes autism, some even suggest it may be something to do with the vaccines themselves. If you're a parent of young children, do your research. I'm sure you already are.

--> Those who got the regular seasonal flu shot last year are more prone to H1N1 this year. Which makes me wonder. What if an even more menacing strain of flu makes its way around the world next year, and I'm more prone to it because I got the H1N1 vaccine this year? No thank-you.

--> There have been several reported side effects of the vaccines already. Likely those side-effects are only short term, and many people get sick after the regular flu shot as well (since the vaccine actually injects the flu into your system so that your body can build up immunity to it). But, if I'm only going to get sick anyway, I'd rather just wait it out. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to avoid sickness altogether.

--> When I hear people say that they have questioned their doctors about whether or not they had plans to vaccinate their own families and the doctors have responded with a "no," I become increasingly skeptical and cautious. Why should I inject something into my system that these health care professionals do not even have complete faith in?

My decision is not etched in stone. I may be able to be swayed if people can present me with a good solid reason why I should change my mind. And if I had children, I'm not sure what my decision would be, but I would definitely be exploring things a little further than I have this time around. Whatever people decide - it's a personal choice. Most importantly, whether you get vaccinated or not, remember: CLEAN, COVER, AND CONTAIN! If not for your own sake, for mine! :)

Girl's Best Friend/s

Not to be the obnoxious pet-owner....

But these two light up my life! I swear. They make me laugh on a regular basis. And you know what else? I kind of feel like they have mastered unconditional love much better than most humans have. Their capacity for love amazes me. I believe they are too often underestimated just because they're "not human." Meaning what.... that they can't talk? Maybe, sometimes, we could learn a thing or two from these little guys. Just sayin'.

Short end of the North America

I have a new blog header. See? I slapped it together far too quickly and now I don't really like it. Perhaps I'll give it another go when I get more time, which doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime in the near future! (Who registered me for this many grad courses, again?)

So, just curious, America, how's your HULU going? Good? You sure you're comfortable with it? What about all those video clips from the major teevee networks (NBC, ABC, CBS, etc.) how are they working out for you?

Okay, I'm bitter. But with good reason. It's because lately this Canadian has been hyper-aware of the fact that her beloved Canada-land is continually getting shafted by our southern neighbours. Of course I don't mean to generalize since the vast majority of Americans I know personally are beautiful and love the Great White North, but... well... then there are those who prohibit us from having access to HULU and clips from those major networks. By doing this they are throwing a proverbial pie in our collective face and I can just hear them taunting: "haaa haaa, too bad you weren't born a few MILES south!"

Well, American powers-that-be, we happen to LIKE being born a few KILOMETERS north and NTV has got it going on. None of your newscasters are as rosy as Fred Hutton. (Though Wolf

Blitzer comes pretty close).

It is geographical discrimination! Yeah Jay Leno, that includes you! You don't mind showing up on my TV every night, but when I want to view a clip of Bill Cosby praising Newfoundland on your show apparently I'm not worthy, then. (In all actuality I'm sure there is some logical reason I am not aware of that explains why online access of certain content is restricted to those in particular "geographic regions" but until someone tells me what those reasons are I will continue to rant and roar like a true Newfoundlander. And no, I will not research it for myself).

Okay, so life sans HULU and Jay Leno clips I can deal with. But I have a more difficult time

accepting the fact that I can't apply to be a contestant on my favourite reality shows (Amazing

Race in particular). Why is it that I'm good enough to watch the show, but not good enough to

be on it? (Again, I'm pretty sure the restriction is due to logistical things like taxes on prize money, blah blah blah, but really, who cares?)

I'm going to create a reality show, broadcast it in America, and then only allow Canadians to

participate. It's going to be awesome. Americans are going to be jealous. The show will be similar to Survivor except everyone will be stranded on ice pans and the reward is going to be a year-long supply of poutine. That beats America's million-dollar prize shows, especially after all the taxes get taken out.

I actually wrote CBS a long heartfelt 5-liner about how I'm sure people would love to see a

Canadian couple on the Amazing Race and how badly I want to participate. They wrote me

back. Shortly after. It was a less-than-heartfelt 1-liner about how it wasn't going to happen.

Another dashed dream, but at least they wrote me back.

Anyways America. You go ahead and keep your reality shows and internet clips, and we'll go

ahead and keep our health care. Deal? :)

In other news, did anybody see the whole balloon-boy fiasco play out? If that was not a hoax,

then they should erase the word from the dictionary because it doesn't exist.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for....

Craig, my parents, all of my other family, my dogs, my friends, Canada, Newfoundland, food (chocolate, in particular), the world, oxygen, health, clothes, shelter, education, bed, sleep, stars, the sky, the moon, the sun, the rain, the snow, trees, the leaves, paper, writing utensils, books, fans, lamps, televisions, computers, Earth, rainbows, all creatures great and small, the good people of the world, life, mountains, hills, thunder and lightning storms, vehicles, water, ice, the ocean, lakes, a real toilet (not just a hole in the floor), chairs (especially swirly and rocking ones), schools, teachers, music, doctors, nurses, writers, hockey, breath, teeth, dishwashers, printers, washing machines and dryers, flowers, showers, things that smell nice, things that taste nice, things that look nice, talents, interests, slippers, musical instruments, compassion, empathy, non-judgment, silence, peace, canoes, kayaks, trails, nature in general, comfort, discomfort, freedom, mittens, warm boots, tea, bubble bath, imagination, Canadian healthcare, Canadian weather (yes, I said it, I'd rather be too cold than too hot!), laughter, happiness..... and love.

This is not an exhaustive list.

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

Baby Anti-fever

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They're cute. Snuggly. Dependent on you. I like babies, but I also like dogs - who just happen to be cute, snuggly and dependent as well.

Okay, maybe that came out wrong. But before everybody starts whipping mental stones at me for comparing babies to dogs, at least let me explain myself.

Craig and I have no interest in being parents. Craig says he never wants to be a parent. I say that I'm only 25 and can't say never because who knows what kind of transitions will occur in my thinking patterns over the course of a few years. But, at least for the foreseeable future we are quite content with being the couple that has two dogs and zero children.

Keeping that in mind, please refrain from asking us the obligatory: "So when's your turn?" question if I hold someone else's baby. Or even worse, making the comment: "Babies look good on you." Of course babies look good on me. They look good on everyone. They're babies. They're at the only stage of their life where everyone finds them to be adorable.

Don't worry if you've asked me that question or made that comment to me before. I don't actually get angry when you say things like that; I know you mean well. And I'm aware that for most people having babies is the next natural step after marriage. I just think it's important to recognize that babies are not the next natural step for everyone. For one thing, many couples can't have children even if they want to. So approach the topic with some trepidation, at the very least.

As a woman, not wanting kids is sometimes awkward. When Craig says he doesn't want children, that's okay and even kind of normal. But for a woman to say that she's not sure she wants to be a mom? Blasphemy!

Little girls grow up playing house and being a mommy to all their babydolls. From a very early age the "logical sequence" of life was ingrained into our brains and that certainly included motherhood. In fact, motherhood was the pinnacle of life. We didn't bother to cover retirement or old-age in play; milestones that are clearly less romanticized. After we had our "children" and took care of them for awhile, the plot ended and we opted to go eat some Kraft Dinner or climb the hills outside.

I don't want to be seen as a cold-hearted, selfish kid-hater just because I prefer not to have my own. I love children. I have chosen a career in which I will deal directly with dozens of children on a daily basis. My nephews are the two most precious children in the world. That's the thing, though. I enjoy sharing other people's children and then I enjoy giving them back. I enjoy being able to avoid wiping the poop from a smelly butt by using the excuse: I did not create this, YOU did!

As a child, I think the way I differed from many other girls my age in play was that I created story plots featuring fictional characters. When I played mommy, I wasn't Laura. I was Alia, or Alexis or Jordi. When my Barbie got married, she wasn't me. She was a fabricated character that I had developed in my head. Unlike so many little girls, I did not dream of my wedding day or entertain the thought that one day I would have my own children. To be honest, back then I felt quite content with just skipping all that stuff. I believe at one point I decided that I wanted to live with my parents for the rest of my life.

During my first couple years of university I had accepted the "natural progression" and just assumed that of course I would be a mother one day. Without ever really thinking it through. Then one day, I thought it through.

The idea of being responsible for keeping somebody else alive terrifies me. I'm not even sure how to keep a plant alive. Not only that, but what about the concern that goes along with having to watch every single thing you do and say out of fear that one mistake, one misstep will have profound negative impacts on little human whom you are expected to mold and shape into a sensible, self-reliant adult? It is a constant worry. For the rest of your life. Day in, day out, till death do us part.

Part of my fear stems from the fact that I do actually love so deeply. I feel I would be completely consumed at every moment with making sure the person who has been entrusted to me is on the right track. To call it overwhelming is an understatement. You see, it isn't that Craig and I wouldn't be caring parents, it's that I know we would be. Not to mention that there are enough children out there already who don't have caring parents and a family that is characterized by warm relationships. Which is why, to be frank, I believe more people should start thinking along these lines. Also, it should be illegal for people who don't have their lives together to be bringing children into their mess. Sterilization, for the win! (But that's another topic for another day).

I've heard the arguments coming from the other side. "Christmas becomes more exciting" (is that really one of the main benefits of having children? Really?), "you never experience love like the love you experience for your child" (while I'm sure this is true, I currently have several people in my life that I love very deeply and I am quite satisfied with that) and "you will be overflowing with joy because your child will bring happiness to your life on a regular basis" (also true, I'm sure, and not to be a pessimist, but more love equals more pain in the future when that love inevitably becomes accompanied by loss.) I don't say that in any way to diminish the value of love or say it isn't worth it, because it is. Yet... something to think about.

I would sincerely like to have someone explain to me why exactly so many people do want children. I don't believe I've ever heard a logical reason. All of the reasons above seem somewhat selfish; they are based on filling one's own desires and needs. So before anybody thinks I'm selfish for not having children, keep in mind the fact that my current decision has been made, at least in part, for the benefit of my non-existent child.

To get back to the first statement I made about our dogs: they are cute. Snuggly. Dependent. And the really great thing is that we do not hold the responsibility of shaping them into morally-intelligent, caring, hard-working, fully-functioning adults. In short, it's not as easy to screw them up.

The end.

For Daddy - October 2009: Year One.

Dear Daddy,

It's been one year since the absolute worst day of my life.

One year since all the happiness was sucked out of me (there was a lot of it) and got replaced with an anguish and despair that nobody can understand unless they have lost someone they love as much as we love you. While that day continues to seem like a nightmare that cannot possibly be real, I remember it vividly - as if it were yesterday.

Since then I have become a floater. I am not really sure how to explain what I mean by that, other than to say that since October 4, 2008 I have been floating through the days. Never really 100% present, just going through the motions; doing what I have to do. In many ways it feels like how I imagine an out-of-body experience must feel. When I reflect on my day on think: "I know I did that, but why do I feel like I wasn't really there?"

I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I lost such a huge part of myself when I lost you. It's about your importance. Which is why I continue to make these monthly blogs public: I want everyone to know just how important you are.

This one year mark can be seen one of two ways: 1.) A milestone. We made it. We've been through the year of "firsts." We've all had our birthdays, we conquered Christmas, Father's day, your anniversary and all the other special dates on the calender. We are still surviving, though the loss never ceases. Or, 2.) Now it's time to begin the year of "seconds," which just means that we've had to be here without you for a longer amount of time.

I suppose it's like the glass half-empty, half-full dilemma. And on a good day I am proud of us. Today, number two prevails, and I just want you to be here with us to provide that perfect balance that we had before you left. Mostly, I just wish I could give you a hug.

It's a funny thing. Here I am learning how to become a counsellor. I am learning about the art of helping others, and I will inevitably be dealing with things like bereavement in my future. Sometimes I cannot help but think that maybe I should have sought the services of a counsellor last year. Maybe that would have been beneficial for me. Counselling after a traumatic experience can never be a bad thing, and losing you has certainly been a traumatic experience for all of us.

One year. One full year.

It remains difficult to comprehend, nearly impossible to believe.

I would give anything to just hear your voice. Just one conversation with you would surely ease the load. I don't care right now about any "higher purpose" or that this is "beyond my understanding." It isn't fair that you were taken so soon. I just want to have a conversation with you, my dad. I don't see why that is too much to ask.

I love you, daddy. One year or fifty years down the road, that will never change. Nor will you be less remembered with the progression of time. You're always on our minds and in our hearts.

Laura XOXO